Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Goodie Fridge!

There is a new quote I keep seeing, “If we shouldn’t eat midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge.”  (or something like that).  Good point!  So here is my suggestion…we all get two fridges. 

One fridge would be a healthy fridge…no light, just veggies, fruits, and good wholesome food that your body will be happy to have.  This fridge would store your healthy left overs, your food for the next day, nothing that would make a trainer angry at you if they came to your house!  This fridge would be easily accessible right in your kitchen.  If you tried to put bad, unhealthy food into this fridge a sensor would catch it and a bright piercing light would go on and a really horrible nasty noise, that you can hear two houses away, would come screeching out of the top at full volume and wouldn’t stop until you take the bad, unhealthy food out. 

The second fridge would be where you could keep the bad, unhealthy food.  (You know the Goodies!)  You know, the ice cream, the processed foods, the foods that you crave in the middle of the night like hostess cakes, all that not so good for you food.  The fridge would have to be stored in the basement in the far corner that is slightly creepy because there are always shadows and the air is slightly musty (you know the place that nightmares are made of?).  Or you would have to store it in the back room, you know the room where you store everything that you don’t want people to see, the room that has a really small pathway with stuff jutting into it from the piles on the floor (am I the only person that has this room?).  This way no matter if it is in the basement/celler or backroom it would make it awkward to get too. 

This fridge would allow you to put anything in the fridge at any time, you open a side door and press a button and the food is put away for you without you opening the fridge yourself.  The issue would only come up when you wanted to actually take something out of the fridge.  Let’s say you woke up at 1a.m. with a craving for some chocolate ice cream.  You sneak down to the room with the food you want in it.  You try to open the door, knowing that once you do the light will come on and angels will sing from above,” Hallelujah” because heaven is now in your fridge in the form of sugary goodness your taste buds can’t wait to try.  You pull on the door, and it won’t budge.  Then you realize, it’s the unhealthy fridge you are at….so you pull on the door harder…it still won’t budge.  The fridge will have a built in lock system.  The first part of the system will be a safe lock, the turn dial ones, but no one has the key, accept for the company and they can’t give it out because of the law.  So you have to try and fiddle with it, you finally figure out the combination, it’s now 2:30a.m..  You have tried hundreds of combinations and can’t even remember the one you just put in.  You open the first door…that’s right the first.  There are at least three layers that you know of because that is as far as you have gotten before. 

The second layer is a dance game one.  A dance mat comes out onto the floor and you now have to follow what the screen tells you to do and if you mess up the mat slides up and the first door slams closed and you have to start all over again. By 3a.m. you have finally gotten to the third door, the door that always gives you problems, by this time you really aren’t that hungry because you just went through the hardest level of dance dance revolution (thank goodness you have been practicing on your own time during the day just incase this would happen again) and it’s also 2 hours past the time that you originally wanted the not so good for you food in the first place. 

The third door is always the same, it’s a picture of you a year ago…you know that really unflattering picture of you thirty pounds overweight, looking tired, and sickly.  Yeah, that’s the picture.  Next to that picture is a mirror so you can see how far you have come, with pictures surrounding the mirror of you working out throughout the year to see your progress come to light.  You have two options…you can either walk away and go back to bed…considering it is now 3a.m.! OR you can open the door and get the tasty goodness.  You have never chosen to open the door yet…so you sigh, close the door, and go back to sleep. 

Problem of midnight snacking…solved! J

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