Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Goodie Fridge!

There is a new quote I keep seeing, “If we shouldn’t eat midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge.”  (or something like that).  Good point!  So here is my suggestion…we all get two fridges. 

One fridge would be a healthy fridge…no light, just veggies, fruits, and good wholesome food that your body will be happy to have.  This fridge would store your healthy left overs, your food for the next day, nothing that would make a trainer angry at you if they came to your house!  This fridge would be easily accessible right in your kitchen.  If you tried to put bad, unhealthy food into this fridge a sensor would catch it and a bright piercing light would go on and a really horrible nasty noise, that you can hear two houses away, would come screeching out of the top at full volume and wouldn’t stop until you take the bad, unhealthy food out. 

The second fridge would be where you could keep the bad, unhealthy food.  (You know the Goodies!)  You know, the ice cream, the processed foods, the foods that you crave in the middle of the night like hostess cakes, all that not so good for you food.  The fridge would have to be stored in the basement in the far corner that is slightly creepy because there are always shadows and the air is slightly musty (you know the place that nightmares are made of?).  Or you would have to store it in the back room, you know the room where you store everything that you don’t want people to see, the room that has a really small pathway with stuff jutting into it from the piles on the floor (am I the only person that has this room?).  This way no matter if it is in the basement/celler or backroom it would make it awkward to get too. 

This fridge would allow you to put anything in the fridge at any time, you open a side door and press a button and the food is put away for you without you opening the fridge yourself.  The issue would only come up when you wanted to actually take something out of the fridge.  Let’s say you woke up at 1a.m. with a craving for some chocolate ice cream.  You sneak down to the room with the food you want in it.  You try to open the door, knowing that once you do the light will come on and angels will sing from above,” Hallelujah” because heaven is now in your fridge in the form of sugary goodness your taste buds can’t wait to try.  You pull on the door, and it won’t budge.  Then you realize, it’s the unhealthy fridge you are at….so you pull on the door harder…it still won’t budge.  The fridge will have a built in lock system.  The first part of the system will be a safe lock, the turn dial ones, but no one has the key, accept for the company and they can’t give it out because of the law.  So you have to try and fiddle with it, you finally figure out the combination, it’s now 2:30a.m..  You have tried hundreds of combinations and can’t even remember the one you just put in.  You open the first door…that’s right the first.  There are at least three layers that you know of because that is as far as you have gotten before. 

The second layer is a dance game one.  A dance mat comes out onto the floor and you now have to follow what the screen tells you to do and if you mess up the mat slides up and the first door slams closed and you have to start all over again. By 3a.m. you have finally gotten to the third door, the door that always gives you problems, by this time you really aren’t that hungry because you just went through the hardest level of dance dance revolution (thank goodness you have been practicing on your own time during the day just incase this would happen again) and it’s also 2 hours past the time that you originally wanted the not so good for you food in the first place. 

The third door is always the same, it’s a picture of you a year ago…you know that really unflattering picture of you thirty pounds overweight, looking tired, and sickly.  Yeah, that’s the picture.  Next to that picture is a mirror so you can see how far you have come, with pictures surrounding the mirror of you working out throughout the year to see your progress come to light.  You have two options…you can either walk away and go back to bed…considering it is now 3a.m.! OR you can open the door and get the tasty goodness.  You have never chosen to open the door yet…so you sigh, close the door, and go back to sleep. 

Problem of midnight snacking…solved! J

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

You might be a redneck if…

If you go to a gas station twice on your wedding day, in your wedding dress, you might be a redneck. 

Oh yes, my wonderful followers and random people that just pop over to check this blog out because you wonder “what in the world is a wog?” or because you searched for wrapping paper and this is the page that came up, I Happy Dance am now a “Mrs.” and Bebe is now stuck with me for life.  So I am Mrs. Happy Dance Bebe…or something…but you can just call me Happy Dance.  I also might be a redneck, because I really did go into two different gas stations on my wedding day, in my wedding dress.  I mean who does that? 

Oh wait…me! 

Bebe and I got married, in August,  and it was a wonderful ceremony and day.  Many things went wrong, BUT that only makes things more memorable later. 

It was a hot day, and after the ceremony and the thousands of pictures we took at the church our bridesmaids and groomsmen and ushers and Bebe and me got into the bus we rented to take us to a local park that has beautiful sites in it to take pictures together.  We all got on the bus and the men started getting drinks out of the coolers they had brought.  In the coolers was beer.  That was it.  Now I’m not saying that none of my girls would drink beer, but I know that most of them, and myself, prefer a little more fruity drinks and we all needed some water.  It was really hot outside and REALLY hot inside the bus even though the a/c was on.  Us girls needed something to refresh ourselves.  So we had the bus driver stop at the local gas station and the girls and I hopped out and went to buy some water and drinks.  I hiked up my skirts (10 skirts to be exact!) and walked inside the gas station.  My sister in-law, Amy, had my train in her hand and some drinks in the other as we made our way up to the counter.  People told me congratulations and how pretty my dress was and asked about where I got my hair done, and others just stared like they had never seen a bride, veil and all, in a gas station before.  Is it really that uncommon?  Amy and I made our way back out to the bus and then we were off to the local park to take the pictures.

Once we were done at the park we went to the reception and partied all night long.  We had fun and danced the night away.  But we only had the reception hall until 11.  Then Bebe’s and my town car was there to drive us to our hotel.  On the way, Bebe wanted to stop at the gas station and grab some beer and I wanted some water.  So the driver let us stop at a nearby gas station. Bebe got out to get the beer, but came back to the car empty handed.  He had given his wallet to his Best Man, Mick.  The gas station attendant carded him and wouldn’t let him buy the beer.  So I had to go in.  This time without the veil but with just as many skirts in my wedding dress.  Bebe helped me out of the car and I hiked up my skirts and walked in again.  This time not as happy as the first time that I walked into a gas station on my wedding day.  I gave the attendant my lincese, and he after carefully looking at my card and giving me an evil stare, finally let us buy the beer and be on our way.  People were congratulating us and everything and even the evil stare down attendant congratulated us.  We then got back into the car and the driver thought it was the funniest thing.  Apparently most brides don’t frequent gas stations on their wedding day.

It was the same company gas station that we went too, just different buildings and I imagined some security guard at their main office watching the video footage of the same bride walking in and out of two of their gas stations and cracking up thinking “the boys won’t believe this one when I tell them about it.” 

So if you ever want to shock some people and get a lot of congratulations from strangers in the big city, go to a gas station on your wedding day in your wedding dress…people seem to love it!  Only consequence…you might be a redneck…