The Goodie Fridge!

There is a new quote I keep seeing, “If we shouldn’t eat midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge.”  (or something like that).  Good point!  So here is my suggestion…we all get two fridges. 

One fridge would be a healthy fridge…no light, just veggies, fruits, and good wholesome food that your body will be happy to have.  This fridge would store your healthy left overs, your food for the next day, nothing that would make a trainer angry at you if they came to your house!  This fridge would be easily accessible right in your kitchen.  If you tried to put bad, unhealthy food into this fridge a sensor would catch it and a bright piercing light would go on and a really horrible nasty noise, that you can hear two houses away, would come screeching out of the top at full volume and wouldn’t stop until you take the bad, unhealthy food out. 

The second fridge would be where you could keep the bad, unhealthy food.  (You know the Goodies!)  You know, the ice cream, the processed foods, the foods that you crave in the middle of the night like hostess cakes, all that not so good for you food.  The fridge would have to be stored in the basement in the far corner that is slightly creepy because there are always shadows and the air is slightly musty (you know the place that nightmares are made of?).  Or you would have to store it in the back room, you know the room where you store everything that you don’t want people to see, the room that has a really small pathway with stuff jutting into it from the piles on the floor (am I the only person that has this room?).  This way no matter if it is in the basement/celler or backroom it would make it awkward to get too. 

This fridge would allow you to put anything in the fridge at any time, you open a side door and press a button and the food is put away for you without you opening the fridge yourself.  The issue would only come up when you wanted to actually take something out of the fridge.  Let’s say you woke up at 1a.m. with a craving for some chocolate ice cream.  You sneak down to the room with the food you want in it.  You try to open the door, knowing that once you do the light will come on and angels will sing from above,” Hallelujah” because heaven is now in your fridge in the form of sugary goodness your taste buds can’t wait to try.  You pull on the door, and it won’t budge.  Then you realize, it’s the unhealthy fridge you are at….so you pull on the door harder…it still won’t budge.  The fridge will have a built in lock system.  The first part of the system will be a safe lock, the turn dial ones, but no one has the key, accept for the company and they can’t give it out because of the law.  So you have to try and fiddle with it, you finally figure out the combination, it’s now 2:30a.m..  You have tried hundreds of combinations and can’t even remember the one you just put in.  You open the first door…that’s right the first.  There are at least three layers that you know of because that is as far as you have gotten before. 

The second layer is a dance game one.  A dance mat comes out onto the floor and you now have to follow what the screen tells you to do and if you mess up the mat slides up and the first door slams closed and you have to start all over again. By 3a.m. you have finally gotten to the third door, the door that always gives you problems, by this time you really aren’t that hungry because you just went through the hardest level of dance dance revolution (thank goodness you have been practicing on your own time during the day just incase this would happen again) and it’s also 2 hours past the time that you originally wanted the not so good for you food in the first place. 

The third door is always the same, it’s a picture of you a year ago…you know that really unflattering picture of you thirty pounds overweight, looking tired, and sickly.  Yeah, that’s the picture.  Next to that picture is a mirror so you can see how far you have come, with pictures surrounding the mirror of you working out throughout the year to see your progress come to light.  You have two options…you can either walk away and go back to bed…considering it is now 3a.m.! OR you can open the door and get the tasty goodness.  You have never chosen to open the door yet…so you sigh, close the door, and go back to sleep. 

Problem of midnight snacking…solved! J

"Water Babies"

It’s a common thing among my friends and me. We have had multiple water babies…sometimes up to 10 in a day.  They happen when you drink a lot of water for weight loss or due to working out a lot and you just gulp down your water.  You become full with a water baby.  Depending on how your day is going you might have water baby after water baby after water baby. 

I personally try and drink two gallons of water a day.  With this causes quite a few water babies a day.  I think my office thinks I am crazy always getting up and running to the bathroom.  But if you drink a lot of water that is what happens, you’ve gotta go gotta go gotta go.  When I workout a lot, burning over 600 cals in a day is my “a lot” workout days…maybe once or twice a week, I could drink a little under 3 gallons of water that day.  When I have a great workout I gulp down bottles of water like it is nothing to replenish myself and try to get the water back in me that I sweated out.  It could take me 2 minutes and I would have a bottle of water gone.  I LOVE me some water, though water babies, not so much.  Water babies can make you feel like your head is going to explode with water or that your insides are just floating on water.

The name water baby was derived from my workout friends and I discussing what our stomach looks like when we drink so much water in one sitting.  When you gulp down two bottles of water like it is nothing your stomach grows outward and kind of looks like a “food baby” (which for those of you who don’t know is what happens when you eat so much food your stomach protrudes outward and usually you have to unbutton your pants so you don’t feel all uncomfortable being squeezed in…i.e. Thanksgiving dinner), minus the food part.  Since it isn’t food that is involved we call it a water baby, you still have that uncomfortable feeling with the water too.

Water babies have got to be one of the quickest and easiest pregnancies ever.  If only real labor was like this.  I’ve never experienced a pregnancy  but I’ve heard stories of what pregnancy and childbirth is like, and it sound painful and long.  If it was like having a water baby it would take only a few minutes, under an hour for the whole thing, to grow and be put into labor, you wouldn’t have to go to the hospital (just your nearest restroom), and it is a quick and fast delivery.  Though sometimes the water babies keep hold and you could have quadruplets from the one water baby if it doesn’t all want to come out at one time which means more trips running to the restroom.  After the water baby (or babies) have been delivered your stomach is back to being flat and defined instantly and you no longer feel uncomfortable. 

I’m off to finish my first 32oz bottle of water for the day…how much water have you drank today?